A Life In-Progress

The Artist's Way - Week 2

2012-02-07T15:15:00.004-05:00

Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron created some mixed feelings for me. While some of the chapter did resonate with me, most of it, I felt, didn't apply to me.

At the beginning, this chapter touches a little on self-doubt. I, like most artists, struggle with this from time to time. I found, through reading this section of the chapter, that this is one of the the things that I need to become more aware of in my thought process. Julia says that these thoughts can become a sort of "creative virus" and develop from self-doubt to self-sabotage. This is probably one of the main reasons why I have been feeling creatively blocked. My inner critic gets the best of me and eventually wins out. Julie suggests the use of affirmations as an antidote for self-doubt. Honestly, at first the use of affirmations feels silly. But I have found that over time they can help you overcome negative thinking.

The portions of this chapter about poisonous playmates and crazymakers really didn't apply to me. At one time in my life these things have been been an issue. But luckily, I have removed a lot of this sort of drama from my life. Since this was the bulk of the chapter, I felt that most of this week's content was a miss for me.

The last part of the chapter discusses attention. Here Julia says that a creative life "involves great swathes of attention." She suggests that the reward for attention is healing. I do agree that attention keeps you in the moment and helps you keep your mind off the past. But I believe the greater reward for attention is inspiration. Through attention to my surroundings I notice sources of inspiration all around me.

Overall this week's chapter didn't bring up any significant things that I wasn't already aware of. I will continue with the book with hopes that week three will have more to offer.

The Artist's Way - Week 1

2012-01-29T21:51:00.010-05:00

Today I completed Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety of The Artist's Way. I started a week ago and I'm feeling good about the course so far. Here is my check-in for the week.

Morning Pages

I've been dedicated to doing my morning pages, and completed them five out of the seven days this week. (Getting them done over the weekend tends to prove to be a challenge for me.) Working the morning pages has been a great experience. I'm finding it very helpful to just ramble out all the thoughts and worries that clog up my brain. The morning pages are a great place to work out your problems, give yourself a pep talk, or admit your greatest fears. It's a bit like talk therapy.

I've been using 750words.com for my morning pages. Honestly, writing them long-hand, as Julie Cameron suggests, just takes too much time. If you are working your way through The Artist's Way and find completing the morning pages a challenge, I would suggest you try out 750words.com. It's much faster, and you are not wasting paper.

The Artist Date

The artist date has proven to be a little more difficult. This is typically where I get stuck and eventually quit after a week or two. But my difficulty in actually completing the artist date reminds me a comment that Julie Cameron herself said, "We often resist what we most need." And in this context I totally agree.

I admit, I put the artist date off until Sunday night. But I did complete it. I decided my artist date would be to flip through some of my books for art inspiration. I looked at, "How to be an Explorer of the World" by Keri Smith. This is a great book too look through for future artist date ideas. It also encourages you to view the world in different ways. I also looked through, "Symbols and Their Meanings" by Jack Tresidder. This book inspired me to start thinking about symbolism in my own artwork. I picked out some symbols that I liked, may want to to work with, or that I just wanted to learn about and took notes on them in my journal.

Thoughts This Week

Some interesting things came up for me this week. I've already started to notice a difference in my mind set. I've been focusing on thinking more positively and have been working with affirmations. I've become more aware of the negative critical thinking and when it takes over. And being aware of this has put me in control to ask myself where the negativity is coming from. The answer typically is fear. Becoming aware of this is helping me see where fear has been standing in my way. Now I'm in a position to ask myself, "what would happen if I didn't let this fear stand in my way?" The answers are putting me in a position to push past the fear and persevere. Honestly, it's quite liberating.

In addition, all of this talk of "the artist within" has led to a very telling dream about my own inner artist. In my dream I was my ideal inner artist. Through the dream I learned a lot about her. What she is like and how she views the world, including critics, and the approach she takes in creating. I know, going forward, when I feel stuck I have this vision of my ideal inner artist to hold in my mind to help me get past the block.

Overall, a good week. It's been productive and helpful. I am committed to continue on to week two.

Working The Artist's Way

2012-01-29T20:30:00.010-05:00

I know, it's been a while since I've posted here. But with the new year, comes new goals. And one of my goals this year is to create more, and share it here on my blog.

To help me do that I've started to work my way through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. According to Wikipedia, "The book was written to help people with artistic creative recovery, which teaches techniques and exercises to assist people in gaining self confidence in harnessing their creative talents and skills." In other words, it's a self-help book for creatives or wanna-be creatives who want to overcome creative obstacles. The Artist's Way is a 12 week creativity course designed for people to work through and gain artistic inspiration.

To be honest, I've tried working through The Artist's Way a number of times in the past ten years for various reasons. But I've never quite been able to complete the course. (Yep, I'm an Artist's Way failure.) I'm sort of embarrassed to admit I usually only get up to week three before I quit for some reason or another. But, despite my past failures at completing the course, I'm attempting to begin again with my very well worn copy.

This time around I decided to work through The Artist's Way the help me work through a case of Artist's Block. I've been feeling stuck for awhile now, and I'm hoping this will get my creative juices flowing again. I started the first week this past Monday, and after I complete all the tasks I'll report back and share how the first week has gone.

Cheers,
Janelle

In the Studio - Encaustic Painting

2011-11-02T14:43:00.001-04:00

Not, How Did He Die, But How Did He Live

2011-09-15T16:53:00.005-04:00

Today is my dad's birthday. He would have turned sixty-nine today. Sadly, he is no longer with us to celebrate his birth. It's been six months since he passed, and the shock of losing him has still not worn off.

This photo was the last photo taken of him. I took it at my parents' wedding vow-renewal ceremony six days before he died.

He doesn't look happy, does he? That's not because he wasn't. He was really happy to be renewing their vows. He doesn't look happy because he is in pain. He had a wound on his leg that he had for months that wouldn't heal (due to his diabetes). He was in constant pain with it, and I believe it was the cause of his fall.

Although the void of losing my father will never be healed, I'm relieved to know that he is no longer in pain.

So it is today that I try to set aside my own pain of loss, and celebrate my father's life. Today I remember all the things he achieved and hearts that he touched.

If you would like to know all about the wonderful things my dad did in his life please read his obituary.

Not how did he die, but how did he live?
Not what did he gain, but what did he give?
These are the units to measure the worth
of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

Not, what was his church, nor what was his creed?
But had he befriended those really in need?
Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer,
to bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
but how many were sorry when he passed away

~ Author Unknown

Salon des Refuses Exhibit

2011-08-23T18:25:00.007-04:00

Great news! This Friday is the opening reception for an exhibit that includes my first finished encaustic painting!

12" x 12" Encaustic Painting, Gnarled Tree by Janelle Lorenzen

The Salon des Refuses Show, a well loved Toledo tradition, is an exhibit for art denied by the Toledo Area Artists Exhibition, an annual show exhibited at the Toledo Museum of Art.

This year, I will have an encaustic painting on display at the Salon des Refuses Show at the Parkwood Gallery. Please come out and see my first painting in a medium that is all new to me! There will be food and drinks, and prizes given by the judges to exhibiting artists at the opening reception this Friday.

The Opening Reception is Friday, Aug. 26th 6-10 pm. The exhibit will be on display from August 29th thru September 23rd. Gallery hours: Monday thru Friday 8:30-4:30 pm. The Parkwood Gallery is located at 1838 Parkwood Ave. Toledo, Ohio.

Busy Bee!

2011-08-02T20:39:00.010-04:00

A lot has been going on creatively for me. I've been a busy busy bee!

I have decided to reopen my portrait business after a long hiatus. In addition, I have updated my photography website, LorenzenStudios.com and the Lorenzen Studios Photography Blog. I have updated the look and added new work to the galleries in hopes of attracting new portrait clients.

I've also been working away on setting up my art studio in our spare bedroom. It's so wonderful to have my own space dedicated to my creative ventures. Once I have it all done I'll post photos of my new work space.

I have finished my very first encaustic painting! I'm very happy how it has turned out and it was a huge learning experience for me.

Also, I've been playing a lot in my art journal. Below is just one of my sketches from my current art journal.

And I've completed my first mixed media painting on canvas. I started the painting going in one direction, and suddenly it sort of changed into something completely different. It guess that is just sometimes how it goes.

I'll have more work to share soon!

Cheers!
~ Janelle ~

Getting Back Into The Groove

2011-06-02T18:19:00.001-04:00

I know. It's been a while since I have posted here. Life has been crazy. And most of my time in the last few months has been directed toward dealing with all of the changes life has handed me. Which hasn't left any time for journaling, making art, or even thinking. Mostly it's felt a lot like survival.

I lost my father just over two moths ago. It was a sudden and unexpected death. And it happened six weeks before my wedding. Even now I have a hard time accepting that he is gone. There are moments when I forget. I expect him to be there, as he always has been, in his home-office working away on his computer. And then there are moments when the reality of my loss is raw and all-consuming. But I know that grief is a process and it takes time. For now I'm just trying to have faith in my ability to move forward and to make my way through the process.

Recently I've started to try to get organized around the house. I've been spending time on yard work and putting away all the lovely wedding gifts we have received. I started back on Weight Watchers and am looking forward to getting in better shape this summer.

Yesterday I got back in the studio for the first time since my dad passed. I guess I had been avoiding it as a way to avoid having to deal with my loss. But I've been so unhappy and empty without doing art that I know that I need to get back to work. I was a bit rusty and lost in starting again. I was faced with all the unfinished projects that were meant to be included in the Artomatic 419! last month. Unfortunately I wasn't able to finish the projects or participate in the exhibit due to the loss of my father. So I've started puttering around in the studio again. Trying to get back in the groove. I'm still feeling a bit out of sorts, but have enjoyed getting back in there and getting my hands dirty again. I hope to have some finished projects to share soon.

A Great Loss

2011-03-29T02:38:00.022-04:00

Recently life has taken an unexpected turn. Among all the happy wedding planning I have experienced a great shock and unmeasurable loss.

On Wednesday, March 23, 2011 my father, Larry Lorenzen, fell down the stairs in his home and hit his head. He suffered from a subdural hematoma and swelling of his brain. He underwent an emergency craniotomy and was moved to the Neuro ICU at Toledo Hospital in critical condition. Although he received wonderful care at Toledo Hospital my father was unable to overcome his injuries. He passed away on Saturday, March 26 2011 at 10:36 am.

Friends may call at Eggleston Meinert & Pavley Funeral Home, Oregon Chapel, 440 S. Coy Rd. on Thursday, March 31 2011, from 2:00 - 8:00 pm. Memorial services will be conducted Friday, April 1, 2011 at 11:00 am in First St. John's Lutheran Church 2471 Seaman Street, Toledo.

To view the full obituary click here.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I'm am not there, I do not sleep
I am a 1,000 winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sun on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled light
I am the soft star that shines at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die.
- Mary Frye

Update

2011-01-31T19:27:00.006-05:00

Well, it's been a while since I posted. So I figured I owed a little update. Since I became joyfully jobless I have had the opportunity to work on a lot of exciting things.

Since the holiday rush has been over we have been ramping up our wedding planning. And it has been a bit overdue since the big day is quickly approaching!!! We have booked our hall, picked our photographer, DJ, and videographer. I have ordered my dress and the bridesmaids' dresses. Aaron has his suit and we are working on getting the groomsmen in order. We created our own save-the-date cards and have mailed them out. We have met with the florist and are working on our honeymoon plans. We will meet with the bakery this weekend. (Aaron has been looking forward to that part.) Honestly, I don't know how we would have gotten this far if I hadn't lost my job. There is still so much more to do and only 96 more days to go!

Another thing I've been working on since I lost my job is my portrait photography business. I've been working on the update for my website. It's not finished yet, but it should be soon. I'll post when it is. Also, I've been trying to get the word out there that I'm accepting portrait appointments once again. I've already had a few sessions - which is good considering it's a slow time of year. If you are interested in seeing my latest sessions check my photography blog for updates.

Some of the fun and creative things I've been working on are journal writing, art journaling, reading, learning about art techniques, taking the 21 Secrets workshop, and learning how to sew. The most exciting thing I've been learning about recently is encaustic painting. I received a starter kit as a gift and have really enjoying learning about painting with wax. I have a few paintings in the works at the moment and will post when they are finished.

That's all for now!

Cheers!
~ Janelle ~

First Step

2010-11-17T14:07:00.000-05:00

On Thursday of last week I lost my job. I had worked at that market research job for 6 1/2 years. During that time I had two different positions, three different bosses, and the company changed hands twice. It was a monotonous desk job, and not worth boring you (or myself) with the details of the work.

Originally I took the job as my first "grown up" job out of college. I looked at it as means to pay the bills until I figured out what I was going to do with my photography degree. Disasters struck and there were many reasons why I ended up staying longer then expected. All along, desiring a more fulfilling and creative career path.

Due to all the recent changes being made at the company, I was aware that my job would soon change and/or be eliminated. So being let go on Thursday didn't come as too much of a shock. I have been unhappy in the job for some time now and was just sort of biding my time there. Honestly, it felt like quite a relief to walk out of those doors for the last time.

I am looking at this life-changing event as an golden opportunity to to move forward and find more fulfilling work. To find job that I'm excited about. To think creatively. And most of all, to be happy in my work.

I haven't decided what the next step will be for me. I might go back to school, or work on portait sessions again. I might work on my art and see where it takes me. Or there might be some other passion out there for me that I just haven't discovered yet. Whatever it might be, I'm not rushing the decision. I'll take a little time. Do a little soul searching. And I'll find the path that is right for me. Whatever happens, I am trusting that this is just the first step in a more positive, fulfilling, and creative direction.

Little Miss Scare-all

2010-10-28T22:19:00.000-04:00

Mixed media art journal page inspired by Type O Negative's song Black No. 1.

Materials used:
Journal
Gesso
Watercolor crayons
Watercolor paint pans
White acrylic paint
Black acrylic paint
Brayer
Colored card stock
Gel pen
Gel medium
Stamp
White stamp pad
Type O Negative on MP3

I Am...

2010-10-28T21:37:00.000-04:00

Just a little page from my art journal. A mixed media piece using the following supplies:

Gesso

Dyed papertowels

Acrylic paint

Gel medium

21 Secrets

2010-10-26T18:22:00.000-04:00

I've got a secret. Well, actually a lot of secrets. 21 to be exact. That's because I'm taking a new online workshop called 21 Secrets hosted by Dirty Footprints Studio! It's a new workshop where 21 different artists share one of their art journaling secrets with all who enter the playground.

I'll be taking the workshop at my own pace throughout the rest of the year. I'm looking forward to learning new mixed media techniques and meeting new artists. And of course I'll share some of the work that I create during the workshop here.

Here is the first piece I made for the "I Am Magic" group with Andrea Schroeder. It's an exercise about embracing your intuition and inner magic.

Cheers!

~ Janelle ~

For the Cure

2010-10-08T12:07:00.001-04:00

Tonight marks the opening of J&J Studio and Gallery's juried art exhibition, The Feminine Form, benefiting Susan G Komen for the Cure. The inspiration for the show was the feminine form and the interpretation was left up to the artists. All mediums were accepted.

The opening starts at 5:00 p.m and goes until 10:30 p.m tonight. The gallery is at 909 Jefferson St. in downtown Toledo. There will be a $30 ticket price at the door for all patrons. At least 50% of the ticket price will be donated to Susan G Komen for the Cure. In addition to the juried show there will be a basket raffle with baskets donated from local businesses, and drinks and appetizers will be served throughout the night. There will also be free chair massages with survivors having head of the line privileges. All of the money raised from the basket raffle and the 50/50 raffle will be donated to Susan G Komen.

I had the honor to be one of the guest judges for this exhibit and was impressed with the quality of the art entered into the show. Please stop by tonight for this wonderful fundraiser and help stamp out breast cancer.

Since I was a judge for this exhibit I wasn't able to participate. However, above is a piece that I made that fits the theme. It's a mixed media piece I made for Aaron's aunt Jill, who is fighting breast cancer.

Magic Studio

2010-10-04T14:22:00.000-04:00

I love this video of artist Robert Burridge. It's so inspiring!

Cheers!
~ Janelle ~

Engaged!

2010-09-30T10:39:00.001-04:00

Holy smokes, it's been a while! A lot has been going on so I've sort of set blogging aside for a while. But there have been a lot changes for me that I'd like to share.

First, and most importantly: WE'RE ENGAGED! Yup, Aaron popped the question during our trip to San Francisco last month. It was my first time to San Francisco and the trip was awesome! So much to see and do. Here is a quick snap of the ring I took on our trip.

Since we've been back things have been really busy. I've moved out of my apartment in Rossford into our new house in Holland, OH. Lately we've been working on getting settled in, unpacking, redecorating, and starting the wedding planning. I haven't even had much time to go through the photos from the trip! Once I have a chance I'll share them here.

As things move forward I'll keep you posted on the wedding plans, the new house, and new art adventures!

Janelle ~

Been busy

2010-06-26T00:16:00.006-04:00

I know.... I haven't posted in a while. But that is because a lot has been going on. My boyfriend, Aaron, just moved into his first house and I've been helping him get things set up. Plus I've had a lof of things going on in my life. But, I must say, things are going really good. In fact, I'm happier in my life now then I have been in a very very long time.

Even though my career path is still not where I would like it to be, I'm finding more happiness in my life everyday. I'm very sure that the decision to move away from my portrait work is the right one. I've been spending more time on art work that I'm passionate about. I have one show coming down tomorrow. And two shows going up next week. (All photography.) I'm working on new painting techniques and a new sculpture series that I'm really excited about. And I have a number of new art opportunities on the horizon. (More details to come!)

In addition to that I feel as if I'm growing and overcoming a lot of my own personal obstacles. My personal relationships have grown as a result. And I feel ready to move forward into a new chapter in my life. I'm excited to move forward and share my journey as I go! I'll be posting more soon!

Cheers!

~ Janelle ~

Embrace Mistakes

2010-04-30T16:48:00.003-04:00

I love this article on the MMCA Marketplace blog by Seth Apter. He reminds us that making mistakes is very much the part of the creative process. By embracing our mistakes or even the possibility of mistakes we can grow as artists and connect deeper with our creative self. Seth says, "As in life, what is most important is how we react and respond to the mistakes we make. And as in life, if the fear of making a mistake holds you back, you will never reach your potential. You may never know what you are capable of. You may never unleash the artist inside. So embrace the mistake. You will be happy you did!"

I know this fear of make mistakes during the creative process has held me back in my own work. It tends to force me to exist too much in my head instead of letting my heart lead the creativity. I post this as a reminder to all my creative friends as well as myself that making mistakes is part of the process and embracing them is the best way to reach your creative potential.

Cheers!
~ Janelle ~

Be Healed - For Jill

2010-04-19T12:10:00.005-04:00

This is a piece that I created in my art journal for Jill, who is fighting breast cancer. It is mixed media using collage, paint, pastel, and pens.

ATC - Outer Space

2010-04-08T17:32:00.000-04:00

I made these Artist Trading Cards almost a year ago, but I wanted to share them since they were the first ones I ever made.

For those of you who don't know, an Artist Trading Card (ATC) is a small, collectible piece of art, 2.5" x 3.5". They are not to be sold but to be exchanged between artists. An ATC can be any medium and should include the artist's name, contact info, and title on the back of the card.

This series was made for an ATC event at Space 237. The theme for the event was "Outer Space". Here are the images I came up with using photoshopped photos of lights and textures for my first edition of ATCs.

A Soul Journey

2010-03-22T21:46:00.001-04:00

Creatively, things have been rough for me for a while now. This past summer I found a studio space for rent in downtown Toledo. I figured it would work nicely for my new photography studio, so I decided to go for it. It was a big step for me since I had lost my last studio the year before due to some damaging circumstances in my life. But I felt like I was back on my feet and ready to give my portrait business another shot. So I rented the space. I spent quite a while getting it set up the way I wanted. Once that was done the holidays approached and I had enough business between my portrait work and my day job to keep me really busy. But creatively I felt empty. There was no passion, excitement, or fun. Nothing. Just emptiness. I went through the motions, all the while I struggled with my deepening depression.

Then my friend Jess, from college, came to visit. Even though I got to spend some time with her I still felt empty. I was able to see that I had changed. I had become so different from my former self. It was like she showed me a snapshot of myself from long ago. And until she showed me, I had no idea how I had changed. I saw that there was a lot of things that were missing from my life. Mainly creativity and happiness. That feeling of living freely in the moment. Once she showed me, I was very aware of what was missing. But I was unsure how to locate it. I needed to find a way to get it back and be that person again. We talked about things that inspired me. Sabrina Ward Harrison and Sark books. Journaling, writing, photography, and art. It helped, but I still needed a lot of work.

After she left I worked on healing my soul. I got my meds adjusted. And eventually lost that dark cloud that was following me for so long. Once that happened I was able to make the decision to give up the studio. (Business had been bad for a while, and the space really wasn't working for my needs.) I recognized that it felt as if the studio was always hanging over my head and keeping my down with all it's expectations. To me it represented failure. My failure in making it work in a very poor economy? Yes. But more so my failure to be myself to begin with. To follow my dreams and do what makes me happy.

When I was in college I didn't long to have my own portrait studio and take senior pictures for a living. In fact, that is exactly the thing that I did NOT want to do. So I studied fine art photography. And I loved it. I came up with an awesome vision of doing a mixed media show with writing, journaling, photos, drawings, painting, and found objects for my senior thesis. It would be like my art journals, but large scale. Through developing that idea it became apparent that this work would be too personal and scary to share with strangers. I knew that I couldn't stand up and bare my soul for my peers to see. So I began to use symbolism. I still expressed what I had to say in my senior show, but I did it in code. The feeling was there. The mood expressed it all. But it wasn't too scary to share. It was just photographs of trees after all.

Now, years later, I know that I turned away from my dream to do the show I envisioned out of fear. But I was also influenced to do what was marketable and approachable. I don't regret doing the exhibit in the manner that I did. No. I learned a lot from it. I learned about symbolism, and I think it ended up being a very strong show. But there is still a part of me that wants to do that exhibit the way I first envisioned it.

So I'm starting to do what I love again. I'm writing, doodling, drawing, painting, and collaging. I'm looking for sources of inspiration, and working on new techniques. I'm trying new things and pushing myself to create. To open up and let it out. To go with the flow and just see what results. It's a bit scary. And a bit wonderful. Thrilling really. And at times manic. I rush to the page to get there and express, but when I look at that blank paper it scares me. I realize I have buried my feelings for so long that I don't even know how to reach them. So now I'm trying to learn how to peel back the layers and find my inner me. It's a process. And during this process I MUST remain true to myself! I will try new things and play! But most of all I MUST NOT BE SELF-CRITICAL! For after all, this is what it's about. Discovering the real me. Being who I am, flaws, good stuff, and all. So I'm soul searching and putting it on the page as a way to get deeper and to help me examine who I am. I will study it. Learn how to be okay with it. Accept it. And finally share it. This is a journey within. A soul journey.

My Life In-Progress

2010-03-15T23:07:00.001-04:00

Hi. This is my new blog. A place where I will share items of interest, creativity, my activities, and life. And the process along the way.

I decided to start this blog because I'm turning over a new leaf in my life. Trying to get past the past and look forward to the future. And open my heart and mind to myself and others along the way. This is a learning process for me. A difficult one. But something that I must do.

I have to admit that I've tried this a few times before. Having a personal blog. A place to express myself. It's a pretty cool thing. But also really scary. It's scary to post personal things. To let the world into your thoughts. Your business. Your life. I always think, "What if someone reads this and judges me?" Or, "I don't need people reading all my business!" So I withdraw. I isolate. And I say to myself, "No one understands me" and "No one really cares." But how could they if I don't open myself to them? If I don't show the real me?

So this is scary to me. Opening my heart. After all that I have been through in the past. But I also feel that it's a large step that I need to take. To learn to let people in and not protect myself so much. So this is my Life In-Progress.

~ Janelle

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. "

~ William Shakespeare